he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
