Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
