So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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