is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
