if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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