And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
