Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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