YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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