I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize