The best revenge is premature balding
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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