we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
