Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
