I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
