I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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