im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
