gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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