I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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