His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
