just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
