guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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