we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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