I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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