Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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