dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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