I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
