I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You ruined the universe
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
