no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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