it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize