Duck Duck Cougar?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I need a hoe opinion
go on
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
