There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
