She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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