I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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