our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
