I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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