Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
