Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
