And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
