Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
