Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize