i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
