my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize