And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
