I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
