hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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