You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
