The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
