look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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