Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So here I am, sexting at work.
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