Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
