i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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