I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
