i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize