I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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