I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
