Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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