I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
