like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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