Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
