Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
