I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
