Ambien. No doubt about it.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
