i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
im six kinds of drunk right now
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
