2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
