i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
