Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
