Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
