I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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