I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
