Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
