Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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