there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
