apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
