I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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