some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
