There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize