Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
