I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
