I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
not ubering you a puppy
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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