could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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