Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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