im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
