I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
