pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
