I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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