I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize