i jhust puked up my retainher.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
