Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize