i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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