we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
