grandma shit on top of the toilet
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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