Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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