And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
