literally had 100 drinks last night.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
