I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i drank out of a bidet.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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