The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
