my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
