That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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