TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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