The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize