Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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