he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Did I show you my penis last night?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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