true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
