I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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