My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
