We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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