guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
