Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
They took my balls.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
