Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
