I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
